Confessions of ED. Eating habits over the years.

Posted: June 12, 2013 in Links, Topics
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Time to take a little history lesson about my past and how this whole ED thing came to be. I’ll inform you how my eating habits and rituals were influenced by ED, and also where I stand now. I’ll post another time a more in depth analysis of my current nutrition status, but for now let me share with you my eating habits over the years…

My memory isn’t one to depend highly on, but I can at least recall that as a kid my eating habits were very….normal. When I declare my eating habits as normal, I mean that I never possessed a conscious deliberation towards what I ate. Nothing ever crossed my mind as “clean” or “dirty”. I knew the basics, like vegetables were good and chocolate was bad. But at a young age I never possessed a mental motive to eat more or less of either sides of the two. I was care free, like every kid should be, eating what I want, when I want, or whatever was put in front of me. I had a fair helping of treats and candy, but I also was raised in a house where home-made meals were a staple, and received typical direction from my parents to eat my fruits and vegetables.

Heading into my teenage years not much had changed. I was the average teenage consumer, eating my share of pizza, donuts, cookies, chocolate, cake, etc. However I did adjust myself to better my diet to some degree. I took fast food restaurants such as wendy’s, Burger King, McDonalds, off my considerable palate. I tried to stay away from fast food, but gave Pizza Joints and Timmies my leeway. Since I enjoyed being physically active, I wanted to correlate my nutrition to a attitude in some way. However I still kept myself satisfied with other options; like Large Blizzards from dairy queen and Slurpee stops with my friends, and always having room for dessert …
Heading into grade 11 was when EVERYTHING changed. I took an Exercise Science class that year; this was even before my interest in health and exercise, I just really enjoyed gym class, and thought this would be an interesting class to take too. Now it wasn’t the class material that had an impact on me, it was the teacher in that class who did. This teacher was an arrogant douche, he had so much self-admiration, that I bet HE wishes he could “go fuck himself”. My teach spent a majority of that class ripping on the terrible eating habits of teenagers and representing himself as a optimal “being” of health. I even remember he posted his BP + HR on the board one day, and wrote beside it “Godly”…Now for whatever reason, I got consumed in his preaches and issued an immediate belief that I was unhealthy and doing things WRONG. The combination of his slander and my gullable character sparked a mental fuse that would later develop into my ED. I slowly started to change my eating habits, starting by eating more vegetables, less chocolate and soda. Stopping cold turkey on all forms of sweats and goodies.

After high school I took a CO-OP at Rogers TV, since my interest at the time was highly directed towards film and television. I had graduated from high school and was no longer taking Gym class. The CO-OP was scheduled from 8am-5pm; so it was really the only thing I was doing with my time, and didn’t possess the interest to go run or work-out after. I must have put on some weight because of the reduced exercise, because and I had a shock when I saw myself in the mirror one day. I do not want to claim that I was fat, or obese, or anything close to out of shape. However I could notice that I looked heavier than I would have liked to be, and that mixed in with the stuttering fuse that was created in my class from the year before. This is when the ED really started to rule out creating a “90’s diet fab” in my brain, where I figured “Fat” was the enemy. I started reading food labels and examining their fat content. I was so concerned with consuming fat, that If I saw anything over 3g of fat on the label, I’d put it back. I neglected myself from all sources, good (Nuts, Avocados) and bad (Trans and Saturated), and started eating tons of vegetables. Sometimes I ate only vegetables for a meal. But than I learned more about protein. At the time I understood 2 things about Protein…1. it is important for muscle growth, and 2. I could eat all the protein I want without spiking my Insulin AND GETTING FAT. That was what transitioned me into a Low Carber. I started not being so concerned about consuming fats anymore, although I would still refuse any source of fat that I considered “bad” (Basically anything but EVOO, nuts, seeds, and avocados). I was now more concerned about fast digesting carbs. So for a good while it was nothing but lean Protein and Veg, only eating carbs post workout because I figured if I ever wanted to increase insulin levels it’d be than. The deliberation I suffered about what foods were going to make me fat or not was all occurring during the era where Bro Science was introduced, and my dysmorphic mind was humble to accept its facts and principles as my new way of life. I took things to far; consuming way to much protein, very little carbs, casein at night, tupper wear everywhere I went. I was loyal to the Glycemic Index, never consuming fast carbs, or fruit; and if I did consume a carb source it was portioned very small. I fucked myself up bad. I had no energy, always tired, and even degraded my kidneys (Losing control of my bladder). It was an embarrassing condition, and was a pissy one to live with too (HA! Self directed pun =P)

Than I learnt about IIFYM (If it fits your Macros), which was the breaking point to progressively over coming my ED. It allowed me to learn about how to balance out my food sources and reducing my anxiety when accepting food choices. I was able to reduce this fear I had with certain foods, and feel more comfortable about eating various forms of Carbs, fats and protein. Before, If I wanted a sandwich I would solely use Ezekiel Bread, even whole wheat was a concern to me. I had concerns with red meat, white rice, potatoes, fruit, cheese, etc. Now and days, the things that used to be such an issue to eat are no longer a problem. It’s taken some time but I’m now at a point where I can accept these foods I used to be so afraid of because of the belief that they would harm me. But I can now realise that its the mindset of an Eating Disorder that is most harming to ones health.


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